I've been thinking...

so i've just returned from vacation, and already the few days that i've spent at home since then have been unbearable. i have little idea why, but my mind seems to be going through emotional turmoil. i believe that this is partly due to how i always need someone there with me, but i don't really know.

for instance i'm the type of person who needs someone to drop in even only to say hi or give me encouragement, and god knows that's never going to happen. i have more support elsewhere.

so, in short, half of me wants to leave while half of me doesn't, and i'm freaking out over it. this site contributes to my daily suffering because i'm always paying attention to how people perceive me and who likes my art and all that crap. i wish i didn't care, but it's just how i am and that can't change.

i want to go, it would be a load off of my shoulders, but i know i still have a few friends on here. but what ever happened to everybody else? so many people used to be there for me, but right now i just feel as if i'm a waste of space around here. and heck, i don't even know if i'm going to survive the next few months what with everything going on.

i just don't know what to do... >m<